02/19/2017

Dear Rinji,

It has been some time since I have written you. A lot has happened recently and I have to get it down in text and out of my head so I have it somewhere but not dwelling on it any longer.

I was having difficulties living life to the fullest and paying so much in rent as a single woman in a two bedroom apartment. Now, I know what you’re thinking, just move to a more affordable place. Well, when my rental lease was up at the beginning of December, I tried to get a different place, but no place would take me without a co-signer, mainly because I haven’t been good at keeping my credit score up, I’ve fallen victim of the thing that is DEBT. And I’m really not a victim, I did bring it upon myself to spend the money I didn’t have assuming I would have the money one day to pay it back. Well, now the credit card companies want me to pay hundreds of dollars a month which I just don’t have. So I did the sensible thing for a normal human being to do with a spare room, I offered it up. And got a response rather quickly. A man was looking for a place for his fiance to stay while he was doing training and try-outs for an indoor football league. I met the couple and they seemed very nice and genuine, so I agreed to let them rent my available room for a few months. It was for her to stay, not for them both to stay. He asked to stay for a few weeks prior to the start of the training camp, and I agreed, trying to be a good host. And things were fine, at first. But I’m one of those people who get anxious just thinking about confrontation, of any kind.

It didn’t take long for me to develop strange pet-peeves about my new roommates. They were by no means bad people or inconsiderate housemates, but I’m a bit of a control freak like my mother and need things in their place, and if you move anything of mine without putting it back, WATCH OUT!  Haha. So they leave water on the bathroom sink edges after using the bathroom, and never shut the trashcan lid, and leave the toaster plugged in after they are done using it. Those are small things that shouldn’t really both me, right? And what about when they use my pots and pans without cleaning them, so I have nothing to use or have to clean them before using them but clean up after my own self? And though it’s not a rule that you should ask someone before getting in the shower if anyone needs to use the restroom, it’s a courtesy that I would like extended to me always, as I always extend it to others, as I hate when I have to pee and I’ve waited a bit too long, and as I am about to get up the shower turns on… dang it! So I’m trying to adjust, because I know I’m irrationally difficult at times. And though I know this, I still feel it pertinent to inform my guests of things that don’t really matter. But come on, they grab something out of the fridge to use it, set it on the counter, continue cooking, and leave the refrigerator door wide open for minutes on end. UGH! That makes me want to yell at them furiously or shake them until they get it. YOU’RE WASTING ELECTRICITY, not to mention letting the temperature of the fridge increase.

So what do I do? I gave them a F**King steal on the room because that’s what I advertised it for online, hoping to get a nice college student, or a young person, like myself, to live with and become friends with. But these people are not my friends, and the girl is increasingly bitter towards me and short. I recently found out they tripled the electricity bill, and I had to confront them about raising the rent, I don’t think they liked that much, but f**k it, I don’t care. I’m already giving you a great deal, way better than I should.

Oh, and by the way, he didn’t make the team, so my one roommate that I asked for turned into two people who share the rent of one, and don’t care to see the kindness I bestowed to them before they even moved in. But now I feel like a total B***H because I’m resentful towards them and feel like I’m getting shafted on this deal. I’m paying more than anyone else, and end up taking cold showers half the time because she takes multiple showers in a day, leaving no hot water. And I have a knot in the pit of my stomach because I just want to scream and shout for them for what seems to me to be my own issues. Am I blaming them for my thick-headedness? Am I being as unreasonable as I think I am? How the heck to do I tell them that I want them to pay the full half of rent because there are two of them living here now, instead of just one. Is it worth it? NAH! NO! It’s not worth it to talk to them about it. It’s selfish of me, right? Just leave ’em alone. Let them have the ‘great deal’ and have them pay what they owe for utilities. I’m not paying their utilities, I shouldn’t have to. I pay mine, they pay theirs, and I hope they enjoy their stay, but only stay through March, because, honestly, I’d like my place back. AND I met a nice girl who is a student at the college near where I live. She’s looking for a place to stay in the summer, so I let her know I have someone living in my spare room at the moment, but don’t think they’d be staying much past April, which is what the couple told me. I’ll be letting them know at the beginning of April that that will have to be their final month, if they haven’t decided by then. I want someone to live with me that I enjoy the company of. Someone who I can talk to without being ganged up on. (The couple don’t gang up on me, but I feel like if I tried to say something they don’t agree with, it’s two against one, no matter what I think.) So I’ll have to figure this out. I don’t want them to be here forever, or at all through the summer. It was a fun experience, and gave me insight into how other people live. But I’m ready for a change.

I’m ready for my next roommate adventure, and maybe I’ll get enough experience with roommates to write the Do’s and Dont’s of Roommate Life. Haha.

Stumbling onto Writing Prompts

My favorite phone app has to be Pinterest. I am always finding new things to explore, pin, and create. I’ve created coasters using bathroom tiles, mod podge the top of my writing desk with pages of old books, and even turned cabinet doors into wall hangings. I have enough wedding pins to marry each one of the Hemsworth brothers, enough baby/child information to keep up with the Duggars, and enough Exercise advice to fill Julian Michael’s home. I have a board for almost every occasion, but it wasn’t until recently that I stumbled onto writing prompts. And being a writer, my brain exploded with detail, characters, and plot twists with each little pin I read. I was initially going to pick one a try writing a short story. But that became difficult when I couldn’t decide which writing prompt to choose. So I went through and chose four different prompts to build a story. I will list the four prompts and them throughout the coming weeks, will create scenes and short stand-alone excerpts from what could be turned into a novel.

Disclaimer: This process is mainly to help myself to become more confident with my creativity and imagination while I continue to grow as a writer and storyteller. Feel free to leave comments, whether constructively negative or positive, but I ask to please keep all comments to a sophisticated manner. After all, this is to boost my confidence through creativity, I do not wish for my art to be ripped apart or bashed for the amusement of others.

Thank you.

Writing Prompts:

Main Plot- Instead of the oceans covering the earth, forests are in its place, making it possible to walk from one continent to another.

Include the following:

  1. Write about a Character names ‘Canary’
  2. ‘Truth be told, I’m not sure any of them are actually dead.’
  3. Uncontrollable. Dangerous. Do Not Approach. These were the words that were plasters over every news feed we saw.

No Future in Landscaping Pt. 2

Do you trim the trees, sculpt the hedges and mow the grass for others? Or for yourself? Do you blow the snow away from the walk or shovel the drive? These things make your yard/land look nice, but it’s also for comfort, ease, and pride. When you love your life, and you love your home you take great pride in them. It’s the same concept for your body.

In the short time it took me to write the first article ‘No Future in Landscaping’ and press post, I started to change my mind about the outcome of the reasoning. I wrote how I hadn’t shaved my legs in 4 months. I blamed not seeing my boyfriend for that long length of time of non-grooming. It made me realize that my boyfriend made me feel beautiful, he made me want to take pride in my appearance, not for me, but for him. I wanted to make him happy to see me like not wearing make-up would make a difference in the way he sees me. And it doesn’t. I should shave my legs for my own prerogative, my own happiness.

It took not five minutes after posting that article for me to get my lazy but up and jump in the shower. I shaved my legs, not because I was going to see my (now ex) boyfriend, but because I wanted to feel the joy of having great, silky smooth legs. I love the feeling, and it boosted my confidence ever so slightly.

It took me 4 months to realize that I needed to be happy for me, not anyone else. I have been taking more pride in my appearance since that day; even going as far as putting on makeup every day, getting up early enough to make myself a cup of coffee and breakfast, and even make my bed! I don’t remember a time where I ever made my bed because I wanted to. I’ve always done it because someone was coming to visit, or my mom asked me to. Now I do it every day. I’ve started to take pride in my home. My apartment is CLEAN! My bedroom is clean, kitchen sink empty, countertops wiped down, desktop clutter-free, and bathroom sparkling. It feels wonderful to have a clean home, even when no-one else comes to visit me. I’ve lived in my apartment for ten months, and I’ve finally started to take pride in my living quarters. My next step is to print out my family and friend’s pictures to hang in my living room and bedroom. The walls are bare right now just because I haven’t taken the time to decorate them. I have picture frames, but nothing to put in them.

Taking the time to be proud of my body has extended my pride to my apartment, which I finally call my home. These small things have even started to extending to other things. I have signed up for a visit to the Plasma Center to see if I’m able to donate. I’ve always wanted to give blood but never been able to because of the anxiety or inflammatory medications I’ve taken in the past. I’ve read information about giving Plasma and I should be able to donate regularly. I have even signed up to give $45/year to Charities through United Health. It might not seem like a lot of money, but it’s all I have to give at this moment. And you always here: ‘Every little bit helps’. So though I can’t donate a lot of money, I can donate my Plasma, and my time to helping others, which in turn makes me feel good.

Now I won’t get into the Philosophical or Biblical agenda stating that being prideful is seen as greedy or even sinful because that’s not what this post is about. I have no qualms about feeling good about myself. It’s not at anyone else’s expense, and I’m able to feel good about myself while helping others, and that, to me, is worth it.

So if you decide to let the grass grow for a month in the hopes the snow will come and cover the ground, remember you still have to remove the snow from the walk. Don’t get swept up in the excuses of not doing something for someone else’s sake, it will continue to eat at you until you realize the issue isn’t with others, but with yourself. You are a beautiful person and you deserve to feel amazing. Don’t procrastinate, feel good now, however that is achieved. I promise: The effort is worth it in the end.

 

No future in Landscaping

We trim the trees and sculpt the hedges and cut the grass in order to bring a sense of cleanliness and control to our yards, showing onlookers we are, at least on the outside, put together. But what about on the inside? Shall you walk into my home and see clutter stacked rows upon rows around the room, empty tea cups stacked as high as they go without tipping, laundry in piles around the floor like goose poop in a park? No! We find out when you will arrive and prepare our homes as if nothing ever goes wrong inside, nothing is ever out of place. And thus the lie begins… 

I haven’t shaved my legs in 4 months! Coincidentally I haven’t seen my (now ex) boyfriend in person in the same length of time. I now walk through my hallway and feel the air whip past my legs, gliding the long wisps gently against my skin. Yep, that’s leg hair alright. I know I should shave it, but what for? I’m not having guests over, no one sees my legs when I go out. And it bothers me not one bit to let it grow… I know, I know… Gross! But why is it gross? It’s a naturally occurring function of my body, and though from the knees down I look like an adolescent boy with calves of she hulk, I’m not the least bit concerned that my leg hair will harm my chances of finding ‘the one’. 

I’m guessing it’s the same reasoning of why we don’t cut the grass, sculpt the hedges or trim trees in the winter… snow covers it all up and no one can tell the difference. 

11:46PM: Burglar’s Anonymous

Dear Rinji,

Tonight, while I was laying with my head at the foot of the bed, I heard the sound of a car pull in to the drive and park in the lot in front of my apartment. After a few moments I heard a car door open, when I didn’t hear it shut I felt a strange feeling in my gut, something just felt off. I peaked my head up enough so I could barely see the person in the car below. At first I thought it was a man, digging for something he’d lost in his car, but as I continued to watch, it just seemed strange to scour your vehicle like that: backseat, glove box, center console, everywhere. Then I realized, as the figure crept out of the vehicle, closing the door ever so quietly. Walking towards the next car, this wasn’t a man, it was a woman with pitch black hair and a black hooded sweatshirt on. She tried the car door, locked. Then came mine, another pang left through me and the handle clicked it’s low guttural sound and sprung open at her touch. As she went to get in I instinctively yelled through the window, “Hey! Get out of my car!” She didn’t run, didn’t panic. She shut the door with ease, pivoted on the heels of her feet, and briskly walked back to her small silver vehicle, arms crossed over her body, like she was clutching her chest. She slid inside, backed out and headed down the dead end road towards the remainder of the apartments.

I wasn’t sure what to do, at first. I panicked and called the landlord’s office, of course no one answered. Then I called emergency maintenance…haha. He didn’t sound enthusiastic as his sleepy voice answered through the fog of drowsiness. ‘Hello?’ I said. ‘I wasn’t sure who to call. Someone just broke into two cars outside my building.’ Of course, then it dawned on me what I should have done… ‘So, call the police’ he said in frustration. ‘Oh, right. Thanks.’ I said, but he had already hung up.

I looked up dispatch, because though a break in to my vehicle and some other unsuspecting victim, would be  an emergency, no one was hurt, so no need to dial 911, right? So, I called and gave as much description as possible to the woman on the other line. And waiting for an officer to arrive. It’s been about fifteen minutes since she left, yes a female officer, what a bad ass! And I’m wondering to myself, will the woman return to jack up my car? Will she bring a gang of hoodlums back to break my door down and torment me? Am I being paranoid? Well, it happens in the movies doesn’t it? It’s a good lesson though, usually I do lock my vehicle, but today I went to get groceries and must have forgotten to lock the door before grabbing things from the trunk. Crap! Well, from now on I’m parking in the garage!!!!

10/01/2016

Dear Rinji,

I’ve realized that I have no friends living close. I have two friends I consider the best. And not much else there in my life and those two are what seems like worlds away. We talk on the phone which always brings light to my eyes that had not always been there and a truth to the lI’vei’ve been telling. The biggest lie is this: I’m doing great! I love my life. Everything is fantastic!

Truth: I feel utterly alone. I love where I live, though I can barely afford it. I enjoy my job, though some days I feel out of place on my team. I wish I was in New York City, in a size 6 cotton dress that was styled alongside a great oversized sweater, cozy legwarmers, and the cutest pair of pumps comfortable enough to wear for days. I’d be sitting in a coffee shop writing an inspirational article about the truth of woman’s rights in

I wish I was in New York City, in a size 6 cotton dress that was styled alongside a great oversized sweater, cozy legwarmers, and the cutest pair of pumps comfortable enough to wear for days. I’d be sitting in a coffee shop writing an inspirational article about the truth of woman’s rights in America verse many other countries in the world. It was be published in the NewYorker, where I often times freelanced after taking extended trips across the world to do research, all to come back to my quaint, yet expensive Brooklyn apartment. I’d meet friends for cocktails and gossip several nights a week, and go to art galas and enlightening forums with professionals from all different kinds of art industries. I wouldn’t have to work or do much of anything if I didn’t want to, but I got to travel in style, doing the things I love, seeing the people that matter most to me, and changing American’s views one blog post or news article at a time. It would all be possible with the publication of my first series of books. And though I travel and am a hard worker at what I do, I still have plenty of time to continue my fictional fantasies about Romance and Adventure. And I would get countless opportunities to work with other great writers of my time, and produce numerous works of art for many generations to read and explore. I would one day meet a wonderfully charming and honest man, who is 6’5 muscular body, and a sexy voice. He would love working out and eating healthy, and he’d be in line to be the next CEO at a fortune 500 company in a different State so we would see each other often, but not all the time. It would be romantic and adventurous like my stories.

That is what I want in my life… not sitting here in my lowly 2 bedroom apartment, without someone to share it with, where I keep the windows open so the cold air can come in, and the blankets can snuggle me in, so I actually get to feel something for a change. I’m always so sorry for myself. Thinking maybe I am not doing things right, and only if something would happen, maybe I would get a promotion and get more money at my job, or if I just worked a bit harder, maybe I could lose weight. NO! I have to stop this. It’s not fair to me. I’m not being fair to myself and my proverbial future. I have to stop this madness I’ve driven myself to. I hate how I feel depressed and lonely all the time, yet I don’t work on my book, I don’t go to the gym, I don’t choose the correct meals to eat. I am always about how terrible I am and am always down on myself. But if I’m already going to be this selfish, I better get something great out of it, right?

I have to continue to tell myself, I CAN! I CAN DO IT! Buck up, Noel! Fight for what you want, don’t take no for an answer from yourself. Go to the damn gym and work your ass off, you know you’ll feel better about it. And then read those books you bought on continuing to write and get better. And if you don’t have any friends, whose fault is that? You are a loner, and that’s alright, but if you are feeling alone all the time, and unloved by people around you then maybe you should go out and find a few people to do things with. It’s not that hard, people in Green Bay are great, they are fun and happy and united by the Packers! Which you really enjoy as well!  There are so many things you could be doing, that take less effort than feeling sorry for yourself.

 

 

09/26/16

Dear Rinji,

I’m working at Schneider Transportation Management, and though I do enjoy my position in the company and making connections and acquaintances throughout these last ten months working there, I feel that my purpose in life can be found elsewhere. I immensely enjoy Green Bay and the atmosphere it ebbs throughout the city, but I think I would be happier and more successful somewhere else. I’m not exactly sure where that elsewhere place exists, but I’m much too young to settle down in this chapter of my life. I would like to give myself two more years here, though i know it’s not where I belong forever, I do very much enjoy myself here, and I think it’s a great starting place to get my life together. I will have the opportunities to see art, theatre, football games, travel to great cities and even forest areas throughout my chapter here. And most of all, I’m hoping to start saving as much money as possible these coming years, so I may eventually move to that next step, see another great city, experience another great job. And make even more amazing people.

My goals for the future:

Spend quality time being happy in my own skin

Writing freely, not to please others, but to please myself

Take chances that I have been too scared in the past to take.

Create. Art, Stories, etc. JUST CREATE with an abundance of love and skill.

 

I want to be successful and physically fit. These are my two main goals. And lately I have always tried to do the right thing for everyone around me. But it’s not always the best thing for myself. I want to take this time I have on my own, doing the things that will make me happy, that will inspire the fire in my soul, and bring out the best in myself. I want to create amazing stories, and get all of the stories in my head down in tangible text. And I would like to have the ambition and motivation to work my ass off to get in shape and look into the mirror and adore what I see in myself. That is where I want to be in two years time.